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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m sipping my coffee, feeling all philosophical, when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on Rynok Square. This dude is juggling flaming torches! Like, seriously? Who does that? I’m standing there, half in awe, half thinking, “Dude, you’re gonna set yourself on fire!” But hey, it’s Lviv. Anything goes, right?

Thousands mourn Ukrainian family killed in a Russian strike on Lviv